Re-framing thoughts
Our minds are constantly bombarded with negative thoughts, visions of horrible things that may happen to us, and terrifying reasons not to do the things we want to do.
And yet in the end, these horrible things rarely happen. These negative thoughts cause distress by making you feel things are not okay. When you reframe a situation, you allow yourself to perceive a situation differently.
When you look at a situation from a different perspective, the feelings and emotions around the situation change, and allow you to let go of some of the feelings connected to it.
By doing the exercise below, you will be able to look at a situation differently, you will start to shift your feelings and create some space in your thoughts that will enable you to consider a different and more positive outcome.
Bring your mind to the negative situation you would like to change
Write it down, or say it out loud
How does the situation make you feel?
Now, ask yourself: ‘If it was a friend telling me about this situation and I had to help them find a different way to look at it, how would I suggest they look at it differently?’
Imagine you are now looking at the situation with a new perspective, as if it’s the first time you have looked at it
Write down what you see and how you feel now – what has shifted and changed?
Some other useful points about the way we talk to ourselves:
Use milder wording. Words really matter, and if your thought is worded with a milder negative, you won’t feel as bad. For example, if you were to think “I really hate doing presentations”, you would feel worse than if you thought “I’m not a fan of doing presentations, but I know I can do it”
Ask yourself: “What is the best way for me to accomplish this?” When you are facing a challenge or fear, you can ask yourself this question to help you focus on the solution rather than the problem. The phrase “best way” implies that there are multiple ways around the problem and focuses on the positive.
Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?” Now, instead of having a problem, you have a way to improve yourself. Every challenge is also an opportunity to learn, so take advantage of it.
Challenge your assumptions. Try to figure out what the frame behind your thought is. Chances are you have a limiting belief that is encouraging you to think negatively about your situation. This limiting belief is based on assumptions you have made that probably are not true. Find reasons why they aren’t true, and you chip away at the beliefs causing the negative thoughts. This is the most powerful long term reframing technique, and it is far more effective if you’ve been keeping a thought journal