Attachment 5: The brain & attachment
Our social brains
Our brains are stimulated, influenced and regulated by those around us – right from the moment we are born. Our brains have simply evolved to be this way. We are shaped by our environment, in a system of relationships, families, and societies; and most importantly - a lot of this has already happened in the first few years of life. The brain develops from conception and grows at its most rapid in the first two years of life. By which time, some patterns that will dive us for life have already been shaped and laid down in our brain structure. And we cant even recall it happening – we didn’t yet have speech or the ability to store much memory.
This matters, because many of the ways we learn to be in relationships as adults, many of the anxieties we have, the ways we have learned to be in society and the world has been shaped in that early period of life, which we don’t pay much attention to as adults.
How we were raised and cared for as infants and young children has a disproportionate affect on how we will relate to others in adulthood.
Understanding how our brains are shaped, helps us understand why we are the way we are…
A bit about our brains first:
The brain has 3 distinct regions which all interconnect, have different functions and develop at different times.
The brain stem (sometimes referred to as the lizard brain, or the reptilian brain)
This is our autopilot which does the bodily basics such as breathing, heart rate regulation, temperature control etc.
It is also responsible for scanning for threats and keeping us safe, a bit like our brains fire alarm system
It connects directly to our nervous system (which is spread right throughout the body) via the spinal cord - meaning there is a constant two-way communication back and forth between the body and brain
When in a crisis, this part of brain completely takes over for us (which can be difficult when the perceived threat isn’t real, but our lizard brain responds as if it were)
We are born with this part of the brain fully functioning
The limbic system (sometimes referred to as the mammalian brain)
This is our ‘emotional processing brain’. ‘Emotion’ is simply induced by a hormonal response: i.e. dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin etc.
This has evolved to help us identify what is and is not safe, and importantly, to attach to others to stay safe.
This part of the brain attaches and attunes to others, making it the social part of the brain. We have evolved to do this in part by learning how to read emotional cues in others and then mirror (or attune) back
We are born with this part of the brain ‘in development’. Some parts of it are ‘switched on’ at birth, and some develop in early infancy
The amygdala and the hippocampus are here (which we will come onto later)
The neocortex (sometimes referred to as the human brain)
At the front of the neocortex is the prefrontal cortex, which is the most highly developed part of the brain, mediating cognition, control, restraint, reasoning, and all other forms of executive functioning
This is where emotional perceptions and responses that comes from the lizard and mammalian brain are made sense of: the prefrontal cortex attempts to explain, verbalises, and justify what may be happening:
This is the ‘feeling’ part of the brain. A feeling is the post rational response in the neocortex that we have later (i.e. the ‘thinking about the emotion’ part). This happens after the emotional response is processed in the mammalian brain.
The neocortex does not fully develop until around the age of 25 or 26. Hence the difficulties of adolescence and teenagerhood.
Attachment & brain development
Attachment with caregivers is the main driver of brain development in infancy. Human babies cannot survive alone, they need to be cared for making our survival dependent on others. This means that more of our brains are shaped by our early environment that we realise – by our family unit.
Our brains are built by a combination of genetics we have at birth, and the experience we gather from the nurturing we receive from caregivers. When we are born, genes are the template that organise our brains, but from then on, experience starts to then become genetic material (‘transcription genetics’) in our brains. This means experience becomes physical, attachment and the quality of care we receive takes on real form and shape in our brains. This means that our parents minds are our first reality and environment.
Because so much of our brain development happens in the first two years of life, at its fastest rate, this early family experience has a disproportionate impact on the development of our neural systems – our brains.
Importance of our caregivers
Attachment, which can be taken to mean the quality of nurturing, attunement (emotional availability), and responsiveness to a baby, is essential to how our brains take shape. These incredibly early interactions build neural networks that can last a lifetime.
A newborn baby’s brain comes primed and ready for the human contact it will receive from its caregivers. This interaction between child and caregiver activates brain growth via the caregivers continued attunement. For example, through repeated and attuned eye contact, a caregiver’s and baby’s brain waves syncronise, this brain wave communication allows the baby to enhance learning and understanding from the caregiver, laying down neural pathways, thus helps the baby’s brain to develop. Another example would be limbic, nonverbal cues and signals such as touch which also teach and condition a baby in limbic system to limbic system communication, an intricate dance of mirroring, perceiving and responding to touch.
These are both examples of just some of the mechanism that shape the amygdala, hippocampus and later the prefrontal cortex - which all impact on how we learn to regulate stress and nervous system regulation.
A feeling of ‘self’, and the role of memory
The amygdala and hippocampus in the mammalian brain work together manage our emotions by perceiving them, regulating them, and responding to them. The amygdala and hippocampus are also important for memory storage – not just the memories we can recall, but a ‘sense of self’ based on our very first handling and experiences with our caregivers, before we can even talk – preverbal. This is also a type of ‘memory’ that is imprinted into our amygdala.
A baby’s preverbal, emotional, short-term memory is stored in the amygdala, which is already fully matured at birth. This amygdala memory isn’t what we think of as pictures or images in our mind, but rather the memory of a sense of things, an innately stored feeling. For example, think of some of the statements we might make about a sense of self we might have: ‘I’m an anxious person’, ‘I’m an optimist’, ‘intimacy makes me feel trapped’.
The size of a baby’s amygdala is associated with a number of things. For example, an enlarged amygdala is associated with an internalised and inherent sense of fear, even communication and learning ability later can be impacted. The size and connectivity of the amygdala is a very good indicator of anxiety levels and ability to self sooth.
Later on, from about ten months the hippocampus ‘switches on’, and then only fully matures between one and three years old. Verbal, sequential narrative and long term memory is stored here in the hippocampus. Once switched on, it helps to regulate and filter the amygdala, taking of some of the load.
The moving images and pictures type memory that we hold in the hippocampus can be forgotten or stored so deeply it can be hard to access it. But the storage of feelings – safety or danger, fear, anxiety, or contentment – may not be remembered as such but is always carried in the amygdala as a sense of self. Just like the amygdala, the size of the hippocampus can be affected by what might be happening environmentally.
What does this all mean?
We learn much more than just how to walk and talk from our parents. We learn a ‘sense of self’ that we find hard to express, or articulate. That very feeling of who you are is shaped in the very early years of your life, in ways you just don’t remember.
As adult’s we can still be impact in various ways:
Quality of attachment can affect how we regulate our emotions – can we self-sooth?
Our attachment styles are affected, which we can continue to carry on into adult life, in our adult relationships (see the attachment style blogs for more information)
Lack of attachment by caregivers increases the capacity of experiencing anxiety, depression and negative emotions later in life
Good quality responsiveness (attachment) by caregivers increases the capacity to experience pleasure and contentedness later in life
Neglect and trauma can result in a hippocampus reduced in size, and an amygdala that is enlarged which can have a wide range of implications
The impact of others on us is strongest in our infancy and early life - hence why relationships with parents and caregivers can become a central primary source of the symptoms that people ultimately seek help for as adult.